I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
