More tranny stories later!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
