i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
