he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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