if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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