i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
