You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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