my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
