i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
