I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
