Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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