Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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