Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
