And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The adults are the big ones right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
