Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
