I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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