she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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