Swine flu is the new snow day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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