Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
