I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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