how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
