apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
