The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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