I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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