Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
