she woke up with a sticky ear
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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