I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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