he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
