so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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