Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I want is dick and wine.
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