I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
