Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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