a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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