3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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