I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Bring me that man meat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
