his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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