we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
