Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
