my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
