I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
