the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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