Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When are your genitals available?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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