If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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