I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
