dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
