All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
