Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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