Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
