Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
