can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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