Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
