Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this boner is exhausting
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
