is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
