Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
