listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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