hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
