Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
