What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
