Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
