Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
