guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
