im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
