Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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