I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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