high people should be assigned attendants
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
