Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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