The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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