DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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