Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
