11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
