I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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