Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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